Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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