oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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