i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
