Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
