I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
