in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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