Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
