Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
