First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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