Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
