I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
