I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
