i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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