I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
