i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
