just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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