before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
