sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
