Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
