Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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