none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
