can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
