So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
