i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
