The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
