Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
