Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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