I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
