I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
