He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
