If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
