it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
