fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
