we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Are we still banned from the library?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
