i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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