She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im holly from the hills drunk
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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