At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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