C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
