well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
