I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
