I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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