We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
