I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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