what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
