she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
