Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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