i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he thought i was a dude.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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