If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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