I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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