we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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