well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
