I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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