I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
God, I missed his penis.
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