His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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